Great words: reconsider heartache

March 27, 2009 | filed under consider this, rewritable words | Leave a Comment 

love philadelphialove philadelphia

“If you believe yourself unfortunate, because you have “loved and lost,” perish the thought. One who has loved truly, can never lose entirely. Love is whimsical and temperamental. Its nature is ephemeral, and transitory. It comes when it pleases, and goes away without warning. Accept and enjoy it while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure. Worry will never bring it back.

Dismiss, also, the thought that love never comes but once. Love may come and go, times without number, but there are no two love experiences which affect one in just the same way. There may be, and there usually is, one love experience which leaves a deeper imprint on the heart than all the others, but all love experiences are beneficial, except to the person who becomes resentful and cynical when love makes its departure.

There should be no disappointment over love, and there would be none if people understood the difference between the emotions of love and sex. The major difference is that love is spiritual, while sex is biological. No experience, which touches the human heart with a spiritual force, can possibly be harmful, except through ignorance, or jealousy.

Love is, without question, life’s greatest experience.”

– Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

I truly believe that Hill’s words have the power to create a paradigm-shift that can free one from the pain of love ending. We so dearly cling to this illusion that much of the love we experience is supposed to last forever and that illusion is what causes so much of the hurt felt. Accept and enjoy what you have. Cherish what you had, and always look for — and find — the good: the pure moments of joy, comfort, pleasure, and learning.

We Think Radio: using the power of sex

March 25, 2009 | filed under listen | 1 Comment by j. sakiya sandifer

Tonight we discussed how to develop and channel the power of sex to obtain your goals. Napoleon Hill discussed transmuting sexual energy in his book Think and Grow Rich. See chapter 11 to find out how.

Being helpful and setting boundaries

March 23, 2009 | filed under consider this, moment of truth | 7 Comments 

i can do it!

It wasn’t until I was 16 that someone called me “Captain Correction.” My sister whole-heartedly agreed and my awareness of this tendency has come and gone since. My desire to correct, or inform, isn’t bred out of a sense of superiority; it stems from a genuine desire to be helpful and useful (read: in ways that I want or choose to be useful).

Last night, a girl who lives down the hall from me asked me for some matches and invited me over for some of her birthday cake. I should’ve said “no” because I’m not supposed to be eating sugar and I need to keep my word to myself (more on that later), but I opted to be polite and went over to sing ‘happy birthday’ and ate cake. I would’ve preferred to have gotten the cake and left, but stayed and talked to her and her friend.

In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she’s trying out a new workout regimen. It went a little something like this:

Her: “Last week, I started this new workout and I really like it.”

Me: “Ok. What are you doing?”

“Well, I work out every day for two hours.” (As she eats a slice of cake that’s technically a large fraction.)

“Two hours? That’s not sustainable.”

“For me it is. I just go at night.”

“Well, what do you do?”

“I lift weights and do cardio.”

“Do you work the same muscle groups everyday?”


“Hmmm…that’s really not a good idea. You should alternate days. Why do you lift weights?”

“Because I like it.”

“No. You lift weights because you want to build muscle. You can’t build muscle if you don’t give your muscles time to repair.”

“Thanks, Leandra, but I really don’t want your opinion on this.”

“I’m just saying…if you scrape your knee, when you wake up, you’ll have a scab, but that doesn’t mean it’s healed. The same thing goes for your muscles. I’m not saying stop working out. I’d never tell you that. I’m just saying alternate days when you work certain muscle groups.”

She smiles, says “okay,” and abruptly changes the subject.

Initially, I was slightly offended with her “I don’t want your opinion” comment because she needs the advice and I could be an excellent resource for her. However, that’s her decision not mine. At the same time, I couldn’t help but to respect her for saying it. I’m SO going to jack it!

Last night was eye-opening for me in a few different ways.

1.) When someone declines your assistance (or your message, product, etc.), they’re not rejecting you; they’re rejecting it! Don’t take it personally.

2.) Even if you know what’s best for someone, they have to learn on their own. Just as someone knew what was best for you at some point in life and you rebuffed their advice. Everyone’s got to put in their own sweat equity into their lives, learn their own hard lessons. Don’t impede on the process.

A few weeks ago, I read this article from this life coach on how coaching has improved their life. One of the things they noticed was that they’ve become a better listener and–this is key–they wait for the opening in which they can ask if it’s alright to offer a suggestion. I hadn’t thought of that before…asking if I can help before doing so. Hmmm… I will take that into consideration in the future.

3.) In order for people to respect your boundaries, you need to put them in place and stand by them. It was awesome that she said she didn’t want my advice, but not so awesome how she pushed her cake on me after I said I wasn’t eating sugar. The difference between us was that I conceded and she didn’t. Noted.

Sticking by what you’ve laid out for you doesn’t make you rude. You’re not causing offense, but others may take offense when they don’t keep #1 in mind.

4.) There’s all this talk about keeping your word, but rarely is it self-directed. Keeping your word to yourself is of immense importance. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you’re self-respect is tied to your ability to keep your word to yourself. I’m not eating sugar. You can offer. I won’t accept. That’s my word. I’ll be declining sugar and doing other things I said I would for myself…because my opinion of me matters more than yours.

Find the good, people. Be inspired. And be good to yourself.

Great words…

March 20, 2009 | filed under inspiring, moment of truth, rewritable words | 2 Comments 

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.
It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
– Anonymous

Sweat Equity

March 19, 2009 | filed under consider this, moment of truth, pay attention | 5 Comments 

mistakes are an important part of life.

Last week, my colleague and I took a handful of students down to San Juan, Texas to work with Proyecto Azteca, a nonprofit organization that helps low-income families living in rural colonia communities along the Texas/Mexico border get adequate housing. Similar to Habitat For Humanity‘s model, the families have to help in the construction of their homes. It’s called sweat equity. The idea is that if the families want the houses, they will put in some work in order to have them and that they’ll take more pride in the house once it’s constructed because they helped build it. This pride will translate into them taking care of the house and paying off the low-interest loan (in some cases, no-interest loan).

At the same time last week, I was mulling over my life and some of the mistakes I’ve made. Now, really, calling them mistakes is just one way to look at them. I could call them lessons because I’ve learned a great deal from my mistakes but I found myself wishing that I didn’t have to learn certain things the hard way.

After a few minutes of my pity party, something occurred to me. You have to put your own sweat equity into your life. Some lessons will have to be learned the hard way so you really get it. It’s your job to grow, expand, progress…shape yourself into the person you want to be. It’s definitely not easy, but it is certainly worth it. So-called mistakes help us to clarify who we’re being, what we’re doing and how we want to be in the future. Mistakes are tools. We should use them, not lament over them.

Choose to see whatever you’ve been regretting as a guidepost to who you’d like to become and change accordingly.

Do you build or destroy?

March 18, 2009 | filed under listen | 1 Comment by j. sakiya sandifer

TONIGHT’S TOPICS: We discussed constructing/building versus destroying, the spread of misinformation, examples of how easy it is to spread misinformation (smile), education, AIG, and random illogics such as “free gift” and “new and improved.”


Allow me to reintroduce myself…

March 17, 2009 | filed under consider this, thoughts | 1 Comment 

I wrote this post two years ago, still it resonates with me and my current position in life.  Just further evidence that moving in circles means there’s lots of room for growth.  The lesson: empower yourself by learning from life.

I’ve been running a lot in my life. From myself, from my past, my dreams, my fears, my dirt…just running. I’m constantly on the go. What sitting still feels like is foreign to me. When I’m here, I’m there and when I get there, I’ve already gone somewhere else.

Today marks a new beginning for me. I need new decision-making paradigms, new criteria with which to determine the best way from point A to point B…it’s not always a straight line.

At one time, I decided that Neale Donald Walsch’s definitions of love and fear were a great way…and they still are, so what happened? Did it take too much time? Impede my impulsiveness? Spontaneity is overrated if it’s reckless or spontaneous for the sake of speed or spontaneity itself. Guess why I’ve been spontaneous? ; )

Well…all that was the past. I’m seeking evolution. When speaking of other people, I’d easily toss out how they weren’t growing. “If you keep talking about the same stuff over and over again, your life is moving in circles and you’re not growing.” Is it any surprise that I, too, have been moving in circles, foolishly marveling at the new scenery even as it tired quickly because the design eventually proved to be the same? No, it isn’t. What you fear, you attract.

I watched Munich the other night. Interesting Spielberg movie, even for Spielberg. No longer a believer in coincidence, this character, Avner, was working with the Israeli army to kill this list of people. In the process, more people than anticipated died and death became the major theme in his life. He became haunted with the idea of being hunted…the idea of the tables turning created a paranoia so strong that he couldn’t sleep. When he returned to his civilian life, his mind wasn’t there. At one point in the film, as he shredded his mattress in search of a bomb, I recall saying, “That’s not a life.” No…it’s not. Later, he asks his superior for evidence that the people they were killing had really committed crimes…after the fact. He asked, “Have I committed murder?”


Are you serious, Avie? Yes…he was. Cognitive dissonance is a mess. Under the guise of religion, all along he’d considered eliminating these people an act of righteousness. So did his family and so many others he encountered, adding to his ambivalence.

Yet, I’m not all that different from Avner. I haven’t killed anyone, except for maybe parts of myself subconsciously, but there’s always been this justification, these ideas that whatever I was doing wasn’t exactly what I was doing. Don’t pee on me and tell me that it’s raining. But that’s exactly what I was doing. “It’s just rain, Leandra. No worries.”

Aware of the infractions I commit against myself, just like Avner, I can’t sleep. My unwillingness to be a mere mortal and face reality eliminates the possibility of growth, thereby forsaking the point of the whole experience. I can’t continue to hide from my shadow if I want to bask in the sun.

The paradox of belief…it’s nothing and everything at the same time. How long would I have continued to deceive myself if my health and the rest of my life didn’t seem to be collapsing around me? Perhaps indefinitely…who can say?

So good thing my life is falling by the wayside. It’s the cosmos saying, “Hey, this isn’t working.”

Once I was fed up with my headaches and sought an alternative remedy, I discovered macrobiotics, the notion of food as medicine, and the wisdom of the body. The wisdom of the body.

For so long, I’d consider myself a migraine sufferer, implicating this idea of victimhood. But I wasn’t a victim. The headaches were a symptom, part of an equation.


Sensitivity + Ignoring Sensitivity = Pain

Is it really that simple?


So years later, here I stand, at a similar pivotal moment with the power to define my situation as it is or as I’d like to for temporary personal convenience.

The present condition of my life wasn’t handed to me by the fates; it’s the perpetual C. What you put in, you get out.

It’s time for the self-delusion to end. Or if that’s what it’s going to be, at least call a spade a spade.

My historical lack of discipline doesn’t mean that my future has to be laden with the same lack, so much as that it means if I want to be disciplined, I’d better cultivate it.

How do you cultivate discipline? Dedication to the goal. So…I set some goals.

Reassess your wealth in qualitative terms

March 5, 2009 | filed under consider this, inspiring | 1 Comment 

wealth is of the heart and mind. not the pocket.

Some of the most amazing things in life have to be random and stumbled upon. Above is a picture inside of Pharrell’s In My Mind album. Today I found an blog post called “10 Reasons You Are Rich” with the following:

1. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.
2. You didn’t go to sleep outside.
3. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.
4. You hardly broke a sweat today.
5. You didn’t spend a minute in fear.
6. You have access to clean drinking water.
7. You have access to medical care.
8. You have access to the Internet.
9. You can read.
10. You have the right to vote.

Thanks for the reminder.

Source: Marc and Angel Hack Life
Photo courtesy of Rayan Jeroen

Nice new paradigm?

March 5, 2009 | filed under rewritable words | 1 Comment 

everything will be okay in the end
Trust in the process of life.

I’m co-hosting We Think Radio!

March 4, 2009 | filed under listen, pay attention, plain cool | 2 Comments 


Tonight is a special night for me as We Think Radio premiered at 11/10 pm EST/CST. I co-hosted with best selling author j. saKiya Sandifer.  Naturally, it was thought-provoking, engaging, and entertaining.  The purpose was simple: to spark those seeking to create a positive change in their lives.

We discussed special needs children, valid reasons for having children, the selfishness/selflessness of creativity, and justifiable “domestic violence.”

In case you missed it, hear it now: