your inner world rules your outer world.
August 8, 2012 | Filed Under #notetoself, Consider this, Pay attention, Rewritable words, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
This was originally posted on September 4, 2010.
Life is calling you. All the time. Do this. Do that. Don’t do anything at all. There’s always a fork in the road. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there, but it is. Sometimes you hear it, see it, feel it…this urge…this moment that comes to visit briefly. It may whisper, it may shout, but it’s always saying something. Are you listening?
The perpetual, invisible fork is the following question: how are you going to respond? To what? To everything.
We allow the outer world to control our inner world because we don’t understand that the more we control our inner world, the more we control the outer world. It often acts the other way around, but we’re so much more effective in our lives when we understand this. The past few weeks have proven this to be true.
Out of nowhere, my job suddenly became a place I slightly dreaded. I wasn’t even fully aware of it, but I noticed it when I realized time was my obsession. “What time is it?” and “how much longer will I be here?” Sure signs of danger. Everyone and everything was a problem and I played the victim to all the haphazard incidents and wrongdoings.
When somebody/everybody else is always the problem, maybe the problem is really you.
on openness.
January 5, 2012 | Filed Under #notetoself, Moment of Truth, Random, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
I have an admission.
The recent absence of my online presence isn’t exclusively related to being busy or mentally preoccupied. That’s part of it. Another part of it, actually, the biggest part of it, is the recurring struggle I’ve had with allowing myself to be open. I’m set on finding the balance between protecting myself and my life and being an open book. I’d like to share myself in a thoughtful, meaningful way, not recklessly over-share.
Posing this dilemma to a friend, he said, “But the work you do requires you to be honest. All creatives have to be.” It hit me, as it occasionally does at times before disappearing again, that there is something to this process, to this learning and sharing of mine. It isn’t haphazard or reckless; it’s necessary — for me and for whomever my words touch. I forget that my brand of creativity is more specific to how I think and applying understanding to grow. The art that resonates the most is that which is the most honest. My work will only resonate with others when I’m brave enough to open up and share my journey.
So, there it is. I struggle with being open. I struggle with maintaining clarity about my path. But I get it back. I’m here for a purpose and I unfailingly believe in purpose.
I’ll stop being scared. I’ll open up a bit. A few months back, I had a moment, ripe with reminders for myself. Epiphanies flooded me, and as they cascaded, I wrote them on my mirror. The picture above captured the result of that moment. It became a #notetoself I was happy to immortalize.
be honest with yourself about who you are,
what you need, what you feel, what you think, what you see.
honor yourself. honor your truth. honor your perspective.
honor who you are. honor who you’ve been. honor who you’re becoming.
#notetoself: drop your anger.
August 8, 2011 | Filed Under #notetoself, Consider this, Pay attention, Thoughts, monday motivation | Leave a Comment
Anger is crippling when used improperly. We often act — react — to it without knowing the feeling that’s motivating action. Anger is a motivative force and when you feel it, you should always monitor your emotions. How do you feel? Angry? Hurt? Sad? Disappointed? Betrayed? Frustrated? Impatient? To what degree?
Intense feelings can lead to anger, a secondary emotion. By secondary emotion, I mean you feel something else before you actually feel anger. Tune in on that emotion. Feel that. What need do you have that isn’t being met, or is being violated? Safety? Honesty? Affection? Respect? Attention?
Use your anger as emotional feedback, as a barometer indicating when you’re in the red. When you know the underlying feelings and missing needs in play, you can work more effectively towards resolving the situation peacefully and heathily.
There’s a fire, an urgency to being angry. Let it work for you, not against you. Understand it to use it.
the beauty of bald.
July 20, 2011 | Filed Under Health, My life changed when..., Thoughts | 6 Comments
Approximately six years ago, I relaxed my hair for the last time. It was the day before my graduation and wearing my hair natural had been on my mind for several months, as I could no longer justify putting a dangerous chemical directly on my head to straighten my hair for aesthetic purposes while actively seeking to eat organic foods; it was a silly contradiction and I immediately understood it as such.
Almost a year later, I cut off the relaxed ends and wound up wearing a teeny weeny afro that I initially hated. Nothing was wrong with it per se, I just thought my curls would be looser, bigger, more flowing. I wanted my hair to be longer than it was. There were times I’d look in the mirror and cry: what had I done? Why did I do this? Yet, there was such a strong knowing that I was at the point of no return; my last relaxer was the last relaxer. “I’m undergoing a paradigm shift,” I’d tell myself when I needed comforting.
When you begin to wear your hair the way it grows out of your head after years of manipulating it to specifically do otherwise, you’re suddenly confronted with your ideas about beauty in general, your individual beauty, and your people’s beauty.
Many women consider it to be a quasi spiritual experience, and, honestly, that’s no exaggeration. It’s a reawakening. To yourself. To your beauty. To your ancestry. To healthy self-esteem.
karma is real.
May 12, 2011 | Filed Under Consider this, Moment of Truth, Random, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
The wave of your karmic energy can lift you up or crash down on you.
You ever had one of those days that picks you up and throws you into the sky, where the joy and magic you find keeps you high, suspended? Yesterday was such a day for me. All day, nothing but love and what some would perceive as luck. It was just what I needed when I needed it.
This is a magical and wondrous world. All based on energy.
What you put out comes back to you. Align yourself with love.
A deep and heartfelt “thank you!”
January 25, 2011 | Filed Under Random, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
Every year on my birthday, I like to thank the people who help influence my life in some way, direct, indirect, small, large, whatever.
At this very moment, I’m overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and love for all the lessons I’ve learned, from all the inspiration I’ve received, for all the mirrors to myself.
Thank you, my readers, for reading. For commenting. For reaching out. For helping me to understand that this journey is not one I traverse alone and that sharing my reflections is not in vain. To the friends, loved ones, associates, strangers, enemies and opposition who reflect me to myself, who challenge me to grow…thank you. To those who inspire me, teach me, receive me, and amplify my light…thank you. To the brave, the scared, the weak, the strong, the beautiful and ugly spirits…thank you for showing me where I am and where I have to go. Thank you for love. Thank you for light. Thank you for life. I am abundantly blessed & abundantly grateful. 
If you ever want to experience a natural high, practice gratitude. Find reasons to celebrate life. You’ve only got this one (that you know of).
2010: a very good year
December 31, 2010 | Filed Under Thoughts | Leave a Comment
wow, it’s just hitting me that it’s really december 31st. this year literally swept by in a haze. i remember clearly when it started and so much has changed for me since then. i moved…again. being back in new york has been really great for me. so much about myself and about life in general has been revealed–and is being revealed–to me. the clarity i have now is life-changing, yet i’m assured of greater comfort knowing that my vision will only begin to crystallize over time. as that vision begins to crystallize, i see a change in my being and my doing. it’s a really beautiful and exciting time for me.
the best part of this year, though, is when i looked up and realized that i am what i’ve been trying to be, but the lens through which i was looking at myself was so blurry that i couldn’t see clearly. i’ve been so hard on myself so for long, so unnecessarily. themes of acceptance, forgiveness, and love were really punctuated this year. since then, i’ve made adjustments to my thinking and behavioral patterns that have started creating an inner peace i’ve wished for for years.
- Aristotle
near end of the year assessment: what’s so different?
November 2, 2010 | Filed Under Pay attention, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
I’m shocked that it’s November 2nd. Only because it feels like so much of the year happened in a blur. Where did the time go? What happened? What changed? I’m in a new city, new apartment, new job (not so “new” really). I’ve had some great— and startling—discoveries about myself and now I have some newfound sense of confidence and direction that wasn’t there a year ago. Still, I don’t think there’s enough difference. More than anything, I find myself aggravated by my own inertia. A bunch of shoulds come to mind.
I should be here
I should have this done
I should…
Then I’m reminded that the past is the past. Done. Over. Finito. I can only focus on forward movement to ensure future progress. However, it would probably be beneficial to reflect and see what roadblocks prevented me making the growth I apparently expected of myself, yet didn’t hold myself accountable for.
Are you where you planned to be now? Have you made the progress you anticipated? What will you do to get on track (your track)?
(in)congruent
October 25, 2010 | Filed Under Consider this, Moment of Truth, Thoughts | 7 Comments
Are you who you say you are? Are you who you think you are, or who you want to be? I often like to explore the concept and believe that I am, but in reality, I’m not. In me is the range of humanity—kind, selfish, strong, weak, committed, capricious, confident, insecure, humble, arrogant, beautiful and ugly. I’m extreme, contradictory, complex. Oftentimes, I think, too extreme, too contradictory, too complex. These layers have made it difficult for me to consistently see myself honestly and positively. There are so many contradictions that even I’m sometimes left wondering who am I?
On things that don’t necessarily matter, it’s easy for me to toss an opinion around, whether it’s requested or not. However, on issues that deeply affect me, usually silence is my standard. Makes no sense. Am I outspoken or reserved?
My journey has taught me that I’m nicest to those I don’t know and more hurtful to those I care the most about. Am I kind or am I mean?
I can speak about my life, who I am—or think I am—and what I’ve learned easiest with strangers than people I’m emotionally invested in.
Why does this incongruency exist? Will the awareness of its presence create more congruency or will it persist regardless?
Your inner world rules your outer world
September 4, 2010 | Filed Under Consider this, Pay attention, Thoughts | 1 Comment
Life is calling you. All the time. Do this. Do that. Don’t do anything at all. There’s always a fork in the road. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there, but it is. Sometimes you hear it, see it, feel it…this urge…this moment that comes to visit briefly. It may whisper, it may shout, but it’s always saying something. Are you listening?
The perpetual, invisible fork is the following question: how are you going to respond? To what? To everything.
We allow the outer world to control our inner world because we don’t understand that the more we control our inner world, the more we control the outer world. It often acts the other way around, but we’re so much more effective in our lives when we understand this. The past few weeks have proven this to be true.
Out of nowhere, my job suddenly became a place I slightly dreaded. I wasn’t even fully aware of it, but I noticed it when I realized time was my obsession. “What time is it?” and “how much longer will I be here?” Sure signs of danger. Everyone and everything was a problem and I played the victim to all the haphazard incidents and wrongdoings.
When somebody/everybody else is always the problem, maybe the problem is really you.
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