near end of the year assessment: what’s so different?

November 2, 2010 | filed under pay attention, thoughts | Leave a Comment 

I’m shocked that it’s November 2nd. Only because it feels like so much of the year happened in a blur. Where did the time go? What happened? What changed? I’m in a new city, new apartment, new job (not so “new” really). I’ve had some great— and startling—discoveries about myself and now I have some newfound sense of confidence and direction that wasn’t there a year ago. Still, I don’t think there’s enough difference. More than anything, I find myself aggravated by my own inertia. A bunch of shoulds come to mind.

I should be this
I should be here
I should have this done
I should…

Then I’m reminded that the past is the past. Done. Over. Finito. I can only focus on forward movement to ensure future progress. However, it would probably be beneficial to reflect and see what roadblocks prevented me making the growth I apparently expected of myself, yet didn’t hold myself accountable for.

Are you where you planned to be now? Have you made the progress you anticipated? What will you do to get on track (your track)?



Great words…

October 26, 2010 | filed under inspiring, pay attention, rewritable words | Leave a Comment 

“Factual information alone isn’t sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests.
You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation.
One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to
receive a mysteriously useful omen every day of your life.”

– Rob Brenzy, Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings



Today is World Suicide Prevention Day!

September 10, 2010 | filed under consider this, pay attention, rewritable words | Leave a Comment 

Someone around you can use some encouraging, some positive attention, a hug, an ear, or just a smile. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), every day, 3,000 people end their own lives. Many more have attempted, and countless others have considered it.

Life is such a precious gift, to us and to others. We are here for so much more than what we wear, where we work, or how much we earn. Even in the mundane is the extraordinary, and within the extraordinary are perhaps elements of the mundane.

Shine your light! Someone needs to see it, hear it, feel it. You are bigger than your “I”.

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Your inner world rules your outer world

September 4, 2010 | filed under consider this, pay attention, thoughts | 1 Comment 

Life is calling you. All the time. Do this. Do that. Don’t do anything at all. There’s always a fork in the road. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there, but it is. Sometimes you hear it, see it, feel it…this urge…this moment that comes to visit briefly. It may whisper, it may shout, but it’s always saying something. Are you listening?

The perpetual, invisible fork is the following question: how are you going to respond? To what? To everything.

We allow the outer world to control our inner world because we don’t understand that the more we control our inner world, the more we control the outer world.  It often acts the other way around, but we’re so much more effective in our lives when we understand this.  The past few weeks have proven this to be true.

Out of nowhere, my job suddenly became a place I slightly dreaded. I wasn’t even fully aware of it, but I noticed it when I realized time was my obsession. “What time is it?” and “how much longer will I be here?” Sure signs of danger. Everyone and everything was a problem and I played the victim to all the haphazard incidents and wrongdoings.

When somebody/everybody else is always the problem, maybe the problem is really you.

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How to use your* prostitute. (*yes, you have one regardless of your sex)

June 1, 2010 | filed under challenge, consider this, pay attention | 8 Comments 

prostitute

I’m different. I’ve always been different, always felt different, but didn’t always have peace with it. Sometimes I fought it, bumped heads with others because of it, and even embraced it. It’s a sordid past I share with it. As I matured, though, I began to appreciate the fact that I was different. I eventually found it odd that most of us spend so much of our youth trying to fit in before usually spending the rest of our lives trying to distinguish ourselves. After all, aren’t we all different?

My official occupation for the past five years should read ‘nomad’. I’ve lived in New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, San Antonio, St. Louis, and even in an L.A. suburb. Right now, I’m on my way to South Korea. Each line of my resume places me in a different state and/or in a different industry so it’s quite likely that most companies seeking a long-term employee will immediately discard it upon review despite my qualifications; it doesn’t exactly scream company loyalty. Here’s the thing: I’m okay with that. Why? Because I’m different. That fact is evidenced not just by my thought process, hairstyle, interests or style of dress; my journey and choices are highly reflective of my individuality. My path hasn’t always been easy or glamorous, but it has been true to my essence as a free spirit.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, here’s a little something else: you’re different, too. You have dreams you haven’t followed, thoughts you haven’t shared, passions you haven’t explored. In short, you have a life you haven’t lived.

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Who are you and where are you?

May 28, 2010 | filed under consider this, pay attention | 3 Comments 

you-are-not-alone


Pay attention to the lessons in your journey. Be still, be quiet, be patient and you will find that your life and your body teach you more than you may know.

Many of us grow up believing it’s necessary to hide or deny parts of ourselves for acceptance: for our self-acceptance and for everyone else’s. Clearly, this logic is flawed. Nothing is more important to acceptance, whether internal or external, than self-honesty about who you are and where you are. Maybe you’re vulnerable, scared, needy, insecure, lonely, unhappy, into “strange” things “no one else” is into, a “geek”…whatever. How can you ever truly connect with yourself or anyone else without honoring your truths? You can’t so it’s ridiculous to even try.

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Is your love love?

April 27, 2010 | filed under consider this, pay attention | 5 Comments 

black-couple-arguing

So much of our worlds are inherited. Often times, what we think about ourselves, about others, how we behave and cope with emotional stress, our expectations as it relates to career, love, and life in general, and so much more are all passed down to us from the people we interact with and from what we read or hear. Children are perfect little recorders of their environments. They pick up the vocabulary, the dialect, and all the subtleties of the human behavior surrounding them. Because of that, the emotional space a child grows up in plays a major role in how they experience and demonstrate their emotions throughout life.

My last relationship was my first adult relationship, and I went into it stumbling, wanting this love, yet very fearful. Much of the time we were together, instead of placing my trust in my partner and what we were building, I was afraid to really open myself up and let him in, let him know where I’d been and what I battled with. In being dishonest with myself, I was dishonest with him. I thought I knew how to love, but I didn’t. The reality was that I didn’t know how to love myself, so I didn’t know how to love him and I felt sort of inept the whole time we were together. Why couldn’t I open up? Why couldn’t I articulate my feelings? Why was I so afraid to be vulnerable and discuss my emotions? Why couldn’t I treat him the way he deserved to be treated?

One word: dysfunction. I was dysfunctional.

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Value: Look Deeper

April 26, 2010 | filed under challenge, inspiring, pay attention, rewritable words | 5 Comments 

SkinDeep

by Khalilah Yasmin

I woke up today and remembered a dream that I have frequently. I dream about someone that mattered to me and was taken from me. And that dream got me to thinking about ‘value’. As I look around me and the world we live in, a lot of our values are distorted.

The way in which we judge our significant others, our friends, and the people we choose to entertain, is taken very lightly. It saddens me. While it is not uncommon anymore to see a woman with a man just for his finances, what about when they run out? The same can be said about a man for a woman. Many people place value on things that are not constant and everlasting. I’m not about to give you the paddy cake riddle that ‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts’.

Allow me to go deeper.

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Food, Inc.

April 22, 2010 | filed under consider this, do your research!, health, inspiring, learn something, moment of truth, pay attention, rewritable words, watch this, website | 1 Comment 

food, inc


I was all over Twitter with it, but everyone doesn’t use Twitter, so I decided to share some of the information, reminders and thoughts I had while watching Food, Inc., on PBS. Food, Inc. is an incredibly eye-opening film everyone who eats should see. PBS believes this so strongly that it’s airing the film on national television and streaming it in its entirety online from April 22 – April 29. Check your local listings for television viewing.

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We are a process.

April 20, 2010 | filed under consider this, moment of truth, pay attention, rewritable words | 4 Comments 

when are you going to change?


I am a process. You are a process. We are a process. Each of us is perpetually ‘becoming’. There is no [natural] end. What doesn’t grow is dead.

Perfection is illusory, yet I strive to manifest it in the most possible way by simply being better. Sometimes, I fail. Sometimes, I succeed. Some lessons take a while to truly get and some changes take longer to implement than desired. Everything in its course as everything happens in its own time. Knowing that, however, shouldn’t negate exercising effort.

Just today, I told my cousin how I feel like a late bloomer in some ways. She said, “I don’t think you’re a late bloomer, you just have your own lessons to learn and you will. Be patient with yourself, you’ll get it in God’s time.”

I’m not who I was and at some point, I won’t be who I am now. The term “growing pains” is appropriate for so many phases in life, if not the sum of it. Growth–change–can hurt. Does hurt. But taking refuge in stagnation is no remedy.

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