#notetoself: show your love.

April 7, 2012 | filed under #notetoself, challenge, consider this, moment of truth | 1 Comment 

don't hurt to anger, hurt, or pain. they steal your energy and keep you from love.

This is the sixth #notetoself letter, originally sent on March 13, 2012.

There is a great irony in my personality. I suppose it’s common amongst others that identify as writers, but knowing it’s not specific to me doesn’t make me any more comfortable with it than if it were only my problem.

I’m a horrible communicator.

Yup. Horrible.

However eloquently I may be able to string together written words, I’m much less gifted with the spoken word, especially when it comes to my most vulnerable relationships. Especially when I’m hurt. Especially when hurt and most other painful emotions are filtered through anger. The only thing I can communicate then is anger. The knives come out. They’re figurative, but the wounds from my words can be just as painful as a literal cut — and they can go deeper.

The result is frequent apologies. I’m sorry for days, but anything said too often begins to lose its power. The last thing you want to do is issue an impotent apology. I fear sincerity won’t be able to carry me for much longer.

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#notetoself: drop your anger.

August 8, 2011 | filed under #notetoself, consider this, monday motivation, pay attention, thoughts | Leave a Comment 

Anger is crippling when used improperly. We often act — react — to it without knowing the feeling that’s motivating action. Anger is a motivative force and when you feel it, you should always monitor your emotions. How do you feel? Angry? Hurt? Sad? Disappointed? Betrayed? Frustrated? Impatient? To what degree?

Intense feelings can lead to anger, a secondary emotion. By secondary emotion, I mean you feel something else before you actually feel anger. Tune in on that emotion. Feel that. What need do you have that isn’t being met, or is being violated? Safety? Honesty? Affection? Respect? Attention?

Use your anger as emotional feedback, as a barometer indicating when you’re in the red. When you know the underlying feelings and missing needs in play, you can work more effectively towards resolving the situation peacefully and heathily.

There’s a fire, an urgency to being angry. Let it work for you, not against you. Understand it to use it.



LIVE!

March 8, 2010 | filed under inspiring, monday motivation, watch this | Leave a Comment 

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