What My World's Like

on openness.

Jan
05


I have an admission.

The recent absence of my online presence isn’t exclusively related to being busy or mentally preoccupied. That’s part of it. Another part of it, actually, the biggest part of it, is the recurring struggle I’ve had with allowing myself to be open. I’m set on finding the balance between protecting myself and my life and being an open book. I’d like to share myself in a thoughtful, meaningful way, not recklessly over-share.

Posing this dilemma to a friend, he said, “But the work you do requires you to be honest. All creatives have to be.” It hit me, as it occasionally does at times before disappearing again, that there is something to this process, to this learning and sharing of mine. It isn’t haphazard or reckless; it’s necessary — for me and for whomever my words touch. I forget that my brand of creativity is more specific to how I think and applying understanding to grow. The art that resonates the most is that which is the most honest. My work will only resonate with others when I’m brave enough to open up and share my journey.

So, there it is. I struggle with being open. I struggle with maintaining clarity about my path. But I get it back. I’m here for a purpose and I unfailingly believe in purpose.

I’ll stop being scared. I’ll open up a bit. A few months back, I had a moment, ripe with reminders for myself. Epiphanies flooded me, and as they cascaded, I wrote them on my mirror. The picture above captured the result of that moment. It became a #notetoself I was happy to immortalize.

communicate.
be honest with yourself about who you are,
what you need, what you feel, what you think, what you see.
honor yourself. honor your truth. honor your perspective.
honor who you are. honor who you’ve been. honor who you’re becoming.

raffles, energy, clarity, and consistency.

May
23

Lorra Jackson original painting
The grand prize: a painting (painted that day) by Lorra Jackson

A good example of an awesome day:

Meeting a friend for brunch and eating delicious raw lasagna. Going to a curly hair event and being surrounded by beautiful, stylish, friendly women who obviously know something about sisterhood. Feeling like you look a mess, but getting lots of compliments. Buying a raffle ticket to support Petals-N-Belles, an organization whose mission to support young women is of notable importance to me. Buying an awesome vintage purse for $10 and an African-printed bangle that makes my heart melt. Collecting a gaggle of free hair products. Building with amazing people. Winning the grand prize of said raffle.

The last time I won a raffle was when I was a kid. It was an Oliver & Company sleeping bag that my grandmother probably still has somewhere. To this day, just the mention of that movie makes me smile.

The funny thing is I wanted to win something. A tee shirt. A bag full of goodies. Something. Kind of, but not really, I was “supposed” to win something. Interestingly, right after I bought my 3 raffle tickets, my friend, Luna also bought 3 tickets. She left the event early and planned to give me her raffle tickets since she wouldn’t be there for the announcement. The grand prize was a painting that artist Lorra Jackson painted at the event. The second prize was a Huetiful Hair Steamer that I definitely wouldn’t have minded winning. The other prizes were gift baskets with assorted hair and beauty products.

My numbers were: 307975, 307976, and 307977. The winning number for the hair steamer was 307978. Whose ticket was that? It belonged to the absent Luna, or if I’d remember to get them from her, me. But I didn’t remember. So they picked another number and some other lucky woman took it home. I was genuinely happy for her, but a bit salty for me. Then, they called the number for the painting. 307976. Shock came to my face as I said, “that’s me.” I didn’t even have the tickets in my hand at this point, figuring some other number would be called–one that wasn’t mine. To my own benefit, I was wrong.

If a simple, nonspecific intention to win “something” can result in me leaving with the coveted grand prize, I need to be more aware of my intentions and energies and what I’m manifesting in my life. There’s been a general feeling of dissatisfaction looming over me recently. While appreciative for what I have, I need more of what works for me in my life and I know that the only thing in the way is me. I posit that, similarly, the most major obstacle in your way is you. Let’s get out of our own way. Let’s reflect to get clear on what we want and take consistent action to making that vision real. That’s definitely what I’m about to do. Please join me.

2010: a very good year

Dec
31

wow, it’s just hitting me that it’s really december 31st. this year literally swept by in a haze. i remember clearly when it started and so much has changed for me since then. i moved…again. being back in new york has been really great for me. so much about myself and about life in general has been revealed–and is being revealed–to me. the clarity i have now is life-changing, yet i’m assured of greater comfort knowing that my vision will only begin to crystallize over time. as that vision begins to crystallize, i see a change in my being and my doing. it’s a really beautiful and exciting time for me.

the best part of this year, though, is when i looked up and realized that i am what i’ve been trying to be, but the lens through which i was looking at myself was so blurry that i couldn’t see clearly. i’ve been so hard on myself so for long, so unnecessarily. themes of acceptance, forgiveness, and love were really punctuated this year. since then, i’ve made adjustments to my thinking and behavioral patterns that have started creating an inner peace i’ve wished for for years.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.”
– Aristotle

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Permission to dream

Sep
04

dreams

What do you want–really want?

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Monday motivation: faith and clarity

Aug
17

Anyone who knows me should know that I’m a huge John Mayer fan. His smooth voice lulls me into the rich layers of his music and the profundity of the lyrics keeps me there. Lingering. Pressing repeat and searching for songs I’ve never heard before.

Tonight, I listened to “Clarity” again, causing me to reflect upon a recurring theme in my conversations lately: fear.

So many decisions are made out of fear instead of faith. Faith that the desired outcome will manifest. Faith that I don’t need to be all high-strung and worried because everything will be okay, even if the outcome is different from what I envisioned. Faith that what happens, however uncomfortable, is for a reason.

I’m living with more trust in the process of life and faith that “everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Today, confront your fears. What are they? Where did they come from? Are they truly yours? What can you do to overcome them?

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