What My World's Like

“love is so important”: a dialogue on love.

Feb
01

Sunday night, I posted four words on my Facebook page: “love is so important.” Doing so resulted in a very interesting, enlightening, and inspiring dialogue. I’m still meditating on the truths revealed in this conversation and hope they are of some value to you.
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love is so important.

Sonny: NO SHIT! It’s crazy cause sometimes [it’s] hard to come by. Real Love anyways! and People abuse [it] like its in abundance. only thing in abundance in this world these days is corruption.

Kalifa: You can do anything with Love, but nothing can be accomplished without it.

Leandra: nothing but destruction. @sonny corrupted love is in abundance. i think love is everywhere, but it’s hard to see it behind all the lenses and filters…

Sonny: yes I agree. People don’t want to be loved they want to be secure in the falsehood of 401k’s, spring trips to Turks, A lease on a Lexus, a marriage based on business, Love falls far behind this other priorities. people have a tuff time accepting love and honest. Like Jack Nicholas said “you can’t handle the Truth”.

Leandra: “you can’t handle the truth.” word. most times, no.

“people don’t want to be loved…” i disagree. i think they do. i think they do desperately, but they don’t know how to be loved. and they don’t know how to love. they don’t know how to love and accept themselves so extending it to others is impossible. this is my daily task. for real. i wish it were the same for others.

all the superficial accouterments people seek to gain and glorify are simply temporary fillers for a deeper hole that can only be satisfied with something real, honest, and pure.

(more…)

Is your love love?

Apr
27

black-couple-arguing

So much of our worlds are inherited. Often times, what we think about ourselves, about others, how we behave and cope with emotional stress, our expectations as it relates to career, love, and life in general, and so much more are all passed down to us from the people we interact with and from what we read or hear. Children are perfect little recorders of their environments. They pick up the vocabulary, the dialect, and all the subtleties of the human behavior surrounding them. Because of that, the emotional space a child grows up in plays a major role in how they experience and demonstrate their emotions throughout life.

My last relationship was my first adult relationship, and I went into it stumbling, wanting this love, yet very fearful. Much of the time we were together, instead of placing my trust in my partner and what we were building, I was afraid to really open myself up and let him in, let him know where I’d been and what I battled with. In being dishonest with myself, I was dishonest with him. I thought I knew how to love, but I didn’t. The reality was that I didn’t know how to love myself, so I didn’t know how to love him and I felt sort of inept the whole time we were together. Why couldn’t I open up? Why couldn’t I articulate my feelings? Why was I so afraid to be vulnerable and discuss my emotions? Why couldn’t I treat him the way he deserved to be treated?

One word: dysfunction. I was dysfunctional.

(more…)

Mastering love

Jan
22

love is...

I’ve spent the last few months contemplating love, dysfunction and the relationship between the two. Does the absence of love breed dysfunction? That question leads to several other questions, such as “what is love?” It’s an age-old question that I’m not equipped to answer with absolute certainty at this point (maybe another post), but I know that the two don’t comfortably co-exist, and yet so many operate in a constant state of dysfunction but try to invite love in and see no positive results. It’s both amazing and amazingly sad.

After a failed romantic endeavor, I spent months beating myself up about my ineptitudes, which–aha!–didn’t improve anything. Once I got over myself and was able to sift through all the many lessons, I found this:

  • How you love yourself is how you’ll love others.
  • Being able to love others only truly happens when you love yourself.
  • You learn love from your parents.
  • You also learn dysfunction from your parents.
  • At some point, you’ll have to sort out your mess from your parents mess and make new agreements with yourself about what you believe to be true.

(more…)