Anger is crippling when used improperly. We often act — react — to it without knowing the feeling that’s motivating action. Anger is a motivative force and when you feel it, you should always monitor your emotions. How do you feel? Angry? Hurt? Sad? Disappointed? Betrayed? Frustrated? Impatient? To what degree?
Intense feelings can lead to anger, a secondary emotion. By secondary emotion, I mean you feel something else before you actually feel anger. Tune in on that emotion. Feel that. What need do you have that isn’t being met, or is being violated? Safety? Honesty? Affection? Respect? Attention?
Use your anger as emotional feedback, as a barometer indicating when you’re in the red. When you know the underlying feelings and missing needs in play, you can work more effectively towards resolving the situation peacefully and heathily.
There’s a fire, an urgency to being angry. Let it work for you, not against you. Understand it to use it.