What My World's Like

ending the war: “i love you still.”

Mar
24

Recently, I asked “do you talk about things that matter?” and today I experienced one of the most emotionally honest conversations I’ve ever had. Topics ranged from absentee fathers, sex, eating disorders, rape, molestation, relationships, education, socialization, etc. It was genuine, cathartic, comforting, inspiring and beautiful. So many times throughout the evening, I found myself smiling, feeling connected and understood as we discussed highly privatized events and feelings.

Sitting with this beautiful woman who spoke so candidly about her life, I felt inspired and reinvigorated, reminded that neither our stories nor our struggles are our own. We will all experience trials, intense pain, and loss. We will all walk with fears, insecurities, and moments of doubt. We will all struggle with some degree of feeling fragmented. These are inextricable parts of the human experience, but if you let pain harden your heart instead of soften it, you’ve missed the point.

As of two days ago, I made an important decision based upon a startling revelation. I’m ending the war with myself.

My #notetoself yesterday was:

“stop waging war with the one person who will always be there for you: yourself.
love is accepting, patient, and kind.”

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Running away

Dec
14

running away


I was raised in a city I hated. When exactly it occurred to me that I didn’t like it, I’m not sure. Perhaps my mother’s feelings rubbed off on my sister and me, but for as long as I can recall, I wanted to be elsewhere. Where? Just somewhere else.

I’ve spent the last few months of my life, not elsewhere, but in my hometown, precisely where I didn’t want to be–not for this long anyway. While it takes just a short matter of days to be reminded of all the reasons that prompted me to leave, my family is here and spending an extended amount of time with them after being away for eight years is warming. Both positive and negative emotions have confronted me and I’ve been somewhat conflicted as to what my next move should be: Stay? Go? Where? For how long? The vision for my immediate future is fuzzy; I haven’t been able to place myself anywhere. In the past, this indicated moving somewhere new.

This morning, South Korea invaded my mind. Teaching English there is an idea that’s visited me countless times over the past five years. Maybe I should just do it, I thought. Do it, so I won’t have any regrets. A longstanding desire to travel the planet resurfaced and immediately I was taken by this idea of journeying foreign lands. Would it take me closer to what I want to be my life’s work? Hmm…no. Not really. But I would get to live in another country and see some of Asia. My haphazard life adventures have always taken me places…but what if this time, I’m not supposed to go anywhere?

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Authenticity

Oct
06

100% the real deal

More than anything, I believe that people are looking for authenticity–in themselves, in their lives, in others, individually and collectively. This authenticity should manifest itself in the form of relationships consistently built on and representative of trust, honesty, and acceptance; careers that are extensions of our talents, abilities, and interests; personal lives that echo the visions we have for them. We want to be ourselves, surround ourselves with people who accept us as we are, remain true to our ourselves and maintain our integrity in our careers. In other words, be who we are and do what we want to do. It’s a rather simple idea.

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My life changed when I chose to fully believe in purpose

Jul
14

sky purpose

I was once a half-hearted fatalist.  Everything happened for a reason, but the undesirable moments were flukes.  “What did I do to deserve this?  There must be some kind of mistake.”  As such, I fully embraced the victim mentality and chose to believe I had little power over outcomes in my life.  I was wading in a pool of uncertainty and insecurity, and downright miserable because of it.

There was, however, a turning point.  (more…)